Back in Esthar, hell of a surprise

[transcription of an email correspondence between Augustus and a contact, "Eve", listed as 'eve23@gmail.fh']

Hey,

Found your letter in my bag on the train. Just getting to answering it now, got delayed a bit and just getting home. It's been a weird night. I told you about Sam, yeah? My sort-of girl? Of course I did. Stupid. Hard to explain what happened to me since leaving home without mentioning her, especially the most recent year when not much happened BUT her.

Anyway, the weird. I didn't expect to patch up things in one town just for the other to fall apart again. Rolled in from FH about two hours ago and tout a basculé.

It was selfish of me. Foolish, really. I took time off to hunt down my demons, ignoring the fact that Samantha still had hers. I thought, maybe, I'd sufficiently helped her maintain stability. Keep the madness at bay. Then I got wind, caught a whiff on the spring air of Christine. My sire, my betrayed love, the formation of my entire view of the opposite sex.

How childish it seems now. How much time seems to have passed, though really it's a matter of weeks. I was a boy, a helpless naïve boy. And what am I now? A monster, but at least I'm less of an idiot.
Much of my idiocy has passed... but at the expense of another. I've faced my past, overcome my hurdles, and sauntered back into town relieved, renewed, rejuvenated, with hope for Vampire-kind again. Of course I see it all through rose-tinted glasses. The whole city, the whole world must feel the same! Couldn't wait to see Sam, to bolster her hopes with my own newfound peace. It was all I could think about for most of the train ride. Man, I've missed her more than I realised, caught up as I was in everything else for the past few months. It was on the way back to her that I figured it out.

And what do I see, turning the key in the lock tonight, slipping into Darjen's place (I still won't call it hers, she's done nothing to make it hers) just before morning, when she's always asleep?

Yes, I see Sam. She's asleep. Looking pristine, perfect, a demon in an angel's body. Sam was never my type, you know how I'd always gone in for the curvy blonds in Daisy Dukes, but there was also never any denial of her allure. There she was, curled up in a bed I'd shared with her, and I smiled to see her looking happy and at peace. Yes, the world was dark, but there was light and hope here too, you know?

I crossed the room, sat softly on the bed, reached out to smooth a strand of hair from her cheek... and heard a soft voice behind me.
How perfectly cinematic, right? The boyfriend leaves on business and comes home to find all as he left it, only to be interrupted by the new lover.

“Who are you?”
I've got to tell you, I froze. My hand stopped halfway to her face, my entire body stiffened. Whoever he is, I thought, he isn't human. They move so heavily. They breathe so loudly. Their hearts beat audibly when they're nervous like he must be.
I turned my head.
I felt a vague familiarity toward him, but only that of a passing resemblance. Couldn't quite pinpoint it.

I told him my name, a simple "Gus." and I stood to face him.

“What are you doing here? Sam locked up when we came in.”
I raised an eyebrow, smirked.
I asked him, pulling my keys out from my pocket to run through my fingers, how much use he thought a lock would be when I could easily bust it down, pick it open, or use the key, this fingering the somewhat ornate brass thing Sam had given me ages ago. Trust you Torries to have even a fancy key for your apartments.
The kid blinked, a confused boy. I could just see it, the teenage thoughts going through his head: Why would my girl give a key to some other guy?
I added, by way of explanation, that Sam and I were old friends, then tagged on that I didn't remember meeting him before.

“Adam.” He nearly spat the name at me but only after a moment's hesitation, as though he had to think on it. An assumed name, I thought at the time. Now I know he's not thinking of himself as Adam much anymore.
I looked him over. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of loose-fitting pants slung low around the hip. Didn't have the look of a fighter about him, but how I know looks can deceive.
“Look,” he began, “I'll let Sam know you stopped by, she'll know where to reach you...?”

I raised both eyebrows at that. He was kicking me out of the place I'd come to accept as my occasional haven? Clearly he was no one-night visitor. I opened my mouth to speak, but Sam stirred.
“Darjen?” She murmured, eyes still closed. My eyes did a second snap-scan of the kid before me. That was the familiarity. There was some resemblance, yes, they could have been brothers, perhaps, but this was not Darjen. That would explain him being there, half-dressed with a half-dressed Sam. She'd naturally be attracted to someone of his description, though I'd thought she'd be wiser than to bring them home. Looks like she's replaced me pretty quickly with a look-alike for her dead boyfriend. Yeah, you'll say I'm being harsh, and I am. But Eve, I gotta admit, it burned me a bit.

He moved around me, taking the seat I had recently vacated, smoothing the lock I had been reaching for.
“Hush, love, I'm here.”
Love? Here? I wish you could have heard this. You'd have been as incredulous as I.
But she smiled, opened her eyes, blinked into his face until her sight was clear, then nuzzled her cheek against his hand.
“Coming to sleep?” She asked, voice bleary, clearly still half-asleep herself.
“Shortly, doll. You've a visitor.”

She recoiled, sat up, drawing the sheet closer about her, confused. I knew that she knew she never had visitors. As far as I know, no one else was aware she was haunting Darjen's Haven.
Her face took on a puzzled expression, she blinked a few more times before recognizing me.
“Gus? What.. what are you doing here?”

I watched her a moment before responding with feigned nonchalance. Couldn't show her whatever minor hurt there was, especially not in front of the dopleganger.
Said something along the lines of: “Some greeting I get, after three months away. A stranger in the kitchen and the third degree from you!”
Her eyebrows knit together, she hugged her arms around her knees, still wrapped in her sheet. “But you left. You weren't coming back.”
My turn to be confused.
“Where'd you get that idea? I said I'd be gone a while.”
Yeah, so I hadn't exactly specified I'd be more than a few days, let alone a few months, but it hadn't seemed important at the time. She'd seemed so stable, it hadn't seemed like we were too thoroughly co-dependent. My fault. I had other things to distract me, and she had nothing. Like I said, it's been a pretty calm year in Esthar, compared to how things went down when I first arrived.

“You were gone...” she said, more to herself than me. It was then that I realised how much it might have hurt her, or at least scared her, when I took off. I guess you were right, I should have called or dropped her a line... But it seemed so distant at the time.

I asked her when she'd picked up the kid, jabbing a thumb in Adam's direction, genuinely interested. I probably actually called him a kid. He was already tense, and I had almost been trying to elicit a response.
“Hey man, maybe you'd better come back later. She needs some sleep, and you look like you could use some too. Daylight's coming.” Dunno if he was threatening me or just stating facts.

“Probably," I responded, maintaining my flippant air, "It's not every day you find the girl you've been living with in bed with some fresh blood still reeking of life.” Okay, yeah, the kid bothered me. It'd been a long trip from Fisherman's Horizon, and my buoyant sense of optimism had been impeded somewhat by his intrusion.

He got firey. “You've no right to judge! You abandoned her when she nee-”
“Darjen, relax.” Sam interrupted, and he fell immediately silent. Obedient boy. “He's got a right to be confused.” Then, addressing me, “Gus, you chill out too. We three've all always been friends, so let's keep being so.”
We three? I had a hard time keeping back an incredulous reply, I've never met this guy before, Sam! But I held my tongue on the matter. Something was wrong here.
I told them I'd head out, back to my haven, and I'd be back at nightfall when rest had made heads clearer. I was tired, and not willing to stay up all day talking sanity into Sam.

And so I left them, came back here, to my sorely under-used Haven. I don't even know when I started staying over there with her. How long has it been since I've actually spent the night here? I'd stopped in for a few minutes to grab my gear before heading out to FH, but it must have been months prior to that that I'd actually occupied this place. Surely not a year, even? Good thing I've got a hefty sum in the bank account and lots of post-dated cheques in the landlord's hand.

The power's out though, obviously haven't paid that bill in a while. Water too, so not even a warm shower to comfort me tonight. Just the cold glow of my laptop and the click of my fingers on the keys. Luckily the neighbours have unsecured wireless, I just hope my battery holds out. I lit some candles that were scattered around, usually I'm not such a mess. I guess I'll have to clean up, dust, make this place livable again. If you're coming for a visit (you still plan on it? I could introduce you to the Prince... though I'd advise getting some of your higher-up contacts to do that, I'm pretty much invisible around here since the Kohnz stuff faded out.) Plus I doubt I'll be spending much time around Darjen's place anymore, even if that kid doesn't stick around. Sam doesn't need me, or doesn't want me there. I'm having a hard time not descending into my old habitual prejudice again. If what I learned in FH didn't so clearly wipe away any basis I had for thinking that way I'd get angry and pouty and childish. I would likely abandon Sam completely.

Could I be so heartless as that? No. I've changed, these past few months. I know you said I'd changed since school, but you wouldn't have known me if you'd found me before I did my soul-searching. I shudder to think what most of our little team must think of me, looking back on the ass I was. But learning that everything you thought you knew about the reasons for your current life (well, unlife) forces you to change certain outlooks. Women, Eve, are not all conniving, manipulative, evil beings, and that opinion was a thin thin veil for my own angst at being betrayed. This I have learned, this has made me less of a dumb kid. I know, you could have told me that, but I was fearing for my very unlife and hurting a whole lot at the time. Sticking around and being rational was not an option when I was being shot at.

Point is, Sam did not do this on purpose. Clearly she needs me more than ever right now. Clearly her mind is hazy, her grasp on reality is slipping. That is not a thing we can afford.


Well at least that's marginally positive: my worldview can still be bright, even if I probably destroyed any progress I might have made in Sam's worldview by fixing my own.

I think I'll call it a day. Thankfully I've got fitted blinds and don't rely on a technological system to shut the windows up every day. Fine thing that would be, dusted because I failed to pay the bills.

Man I'm looking forward to a good oblivious sleep.

Sorry this got so long-winded, I needed to get it off my mind and you're the only impartial bystander I can really share it with. Feel free to call me stupid, give me advice, or ignore this as you see fit.

My love to those at home,

Gus